Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Guess What's Coming For Dinner

"Experts" are trying to explain why alligators are moving into populated areas in Florida, why they are suddenly attacking and eating pets and humans.

It's the drought, they say, the water level is low, and that's because of global warming caused by selfish humans driving their automobiles, heating their homes and cooking their food. Or the real corker, people are moving into their territory... as if they owned it and had a legally recorded deed down at the courthouse.

So, if your child gets dragged off and eaten by an alligator, we're soooo sorry, but it's your fault, so go bury what's left of the little brat and shut up.

OK, the real story:

Over the years, wild animal lovers have worked diligently behind the scenes to re-introduce all manner of predatory animals back into our environment. These include -- but are not limited to -- mountain lion and cougar in the California foothills, wolves in the New Mexico and Arizona deserts, Grizzly bear back into the mountains just about everywhere, and -- of course -- alligators back into the swamps.

So many of us have forgotten that our forefathers, in the process of taming and settling this country, made the logical decision to eliminate these predators, so their wives and children would not be dragged off and eaten, a real and present threat to them in those days.

But guess what? Alligators, grizzlies and mountain lions are once again dragging off humans and eating them, and it doesn't take an animal "expert" to figure out why. These animals have been protected by federal law for decades and have been breeding like flies. Now there's lots of them, and they're all hungry.

In their drive to re-populate America with big, nasty, wild, meat-eating animals, these "experts" sort of forgot to see if the once numerous prey animals still existed in sufficient numbers to support a huge increase in population of predatory animals. Answer? Nope. The only prey animal that has increased for these carnivores is humans.

To a bear or a mountain lion -- or a Florida alligator -- a human is just more meat on the hoof.

We hear weak and unfounded arguments that these beasts needed to be returned to our forest and grasslands to maintain the "natural balance of nature". Well, baloney. Nature didn't miss a single one of them. The forest did not suffer. Gaia did not lash out in anger, at least to those of us who do not believe that earthquakes are caused by some angry broad upset over a chopped-down tree.

These "experts" no doubt grew up watching Disney cartoons, in which all those animals were cute and huggy, were kind and helpful to all humans, especially children. Then We read about these Disneyites going into the forest, spotting a bear, trying to walk up and pet it... film at eleven.

I'm grateful that velociraptors are extinct, otherwise these "experts" would have them on our back porches everywhere... in the name of balance.

They're not quite as stupid as those freaking morons who want to build huge monuments over our radioactive dump sites, but it's a close race.

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