Monday, March 15, 2010

He Gets My Vote

Bill Cosby has decided to become a write-in candidiate for president in 2012.

Here is his platform:

(1). Any use of the phrase: 'Press 1 for English' is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait outside of our borders until you can.

(2). We will immediately go into a two year isolationist attitude in order to straighten out the greedy big business posture in this country. America will allow NO imports, and we'll do no exports. We will use the 'Wal-Mart 's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.' We'll make it here and sell it here!

(3). When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it coming in here.

(4). All retired military personnel will be required to man one of the many observation towers located on the southern border of the United States (six month tour). They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.

(5). Social Security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. Neither the President nor any other politician will be able to touch it.

(6). Welfare. -- Checks will be handed out on Fridays, at the end of the 40 hour school week, the successful completion of a urinalysis test for drugs, and passing grades.

(7). Professional Athletes -- Steroids? The FIRST time you check positive you're banned from sports ... for life.

(8). Crime -- We will adopt the Turkish method, i.e., the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more 'life sentences'. If convicted of murder, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for the victim you killed: gun, knife, strangulation, etc.

(9). One export of ours will be allowed: wheat; because the world needs to eat.. However, a bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.

(10). All foreign aid, using American taxpayer money, will immediately cease and the saved money will help to pay off the national debt and, ultimately, lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask The American People if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision as to whether, or not, it's a worthy cause.

(11). The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress.

(12). The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.

My apology is offered if I've stepped on anyone's toes .... nevertheless.....


Sincerely, Bill Cosby


Master Doh-San said...

This all sounds suspiciously like an Urban Legend. Have you checked it out with Snopes or TruthOrFiction? (Not that there's anything wrong with the sentiments expressed, of course.)

Bob said...

I post.... you decide.

Ted Amadeus said...

I don't give half a piece of a busted damn whether Bill Cosby wrote it or not, it aught to become federal law - martial law if necessary - because we've got too many handout mongers at home and abroad and not enough people willing to work for a living.
It's NOT "isolationism" it's putting America first, which is WTF the government's supposed to be about, anyway!

craftycorner said...

You stepped hard on the toes of the disabled who are on Social Security Disability. Many of us cannot work even though we desire, illness will destroy ANY attempt at holding a job and medication-health care costs will eat our paychecks alive (yet still leaving massive deficits) if we didn't have Medicare plus other supports. Those supports go out the window if we become employed.

Several of us spend weeks, months, years on our backs in agony, not enjoying a tax payer funded vacation.

craftycorner said...

Sorry guys, this is a hoax according to

Origins: We don't know who originally authored this reactionary "platform" for a write-in presidential candidate, but we do know it was not entertainer Bill Cosby. When Dr. Cosby speaks out politically, it is generally to urge blacks to take responsibility for making the most of educational opportunities and eschewing choices that limit their potential for success. Immigration, imports, foreign aid, steroid use in sports, and insufficient recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance and the national anthem are not his political bĂȘtes noires. (This "platform" has also been attributed to comedian George Carlin, and it's equally out of tune with that late comedian's commonly expressed political views.)

While this piece was originally bruited about prior to the 2008 election, it has continued to circulate with the potential year of candidacy updated to 2012.

Just before the 2008 U.S. presidential election, Bill Cosby himself disclaimed involvement with this "write-in candidate" e-mail on his web site:

I am not a write-in candidate for President. The statement purportedly from me stating that I am a candidate is a hoax. The platform attributed to me (and at various times to Robin Williams, Andy Rooney and George Carlin) does not represent my views and in many respects is abhorrent to me. Apparently those bloggers and websites who continue to spread this hoax do not care to do even minimal fact checking.