Friday, January 22, 2010

How Smelly Is This?

"Smelly" may fall way short of defining this:
An NYPD inspector's frantic search for his missing wife ended in tragedy on Wednesday when he found her body inside her Mercedes-Benz, submerged in the family swimming pool, police said.
His terminally ill wife was missing. He was "frantically" searching for her.

OK, let's look at some of the reported "facts":
Wayne Bax went into his backyard and noticed jagged pieces of ice protruding from the swimming pool and a gaping hole in the pool's cover.
It's winter. Ice and slow everywhere. Wayne - searching for his wife - decides to take a walk in his backyard, and discovers:
The Mercedes-Benz totally submerged, it's transmission in reverse
with his wife's body inside.

Here's where it gets Twilight Zonish. His no-doubt good friend and drinking buddy Police Sgt. Harry Baumann said:
Marianne had apparently backed the car across the home's side lawn, covering roughly 100 feet and smashed through a chain-link fence before crashing into the pool.
100 feet? Side lawn? Chain link fence? Backyard swimming pool? All NYPD deputy inspectors have that sort of stuff, right?

A bit of background:

Wayne Bax is a deputy inspector in the Bronx. Yet he can afford a Mercedes-Benx for his wife, a home with a least a one hundred foot deep yard, a side lawn, even a in-ground swimming pool for his very upscale Nyack County home, all surrounded by a chain link fence.

Said his brother Dominick:
his "distraught" brother and nephew never noticed slight tire tracks on the lawn during their search.

A NYPD Deputy Inspector doesn't notice tire tracks in his front yard.

A NYPD Deputy Inspector doesn't notice his fence is all smashed up.

The smelly part?

The guy's 54, still fairly young and healthy, has a nice home with all the trimmings... And a wife with multiple sclerosis, who had apparently backed the car across the home's side lawn, covering roughly 100 feet and smashed through a chain-link fence before crashing into the pool. Both Wayne and his nephew never noticed the tire tracks across his front lawn or the smashed up chain-link fence.

Well, of course not... He was "distraught".

Wayne's brother Dominick, no doubt with a straight face, proclaimed:
Because of her MS, her legs are wobbly, especially at the end of the day. But I do not know if that was a factor in what happened with the car or whether it was a mechanical failure.
Give me a break. Of course her MS had something to do with her death. But for certain it did not cause her to turn her car around in the front yard, put it into reverse, gun it over a hundred feet through a chain-link fence and into the backyard swimming pool.

You do realize that a chin-link fence can stop a vehicle in it's tracks? It happens all the time.

The lessons to be learned here?

If you marry a Bronx deputy inspector, Make certain he doesn't have a backyard swimming pool.

When you have a fence contractor build your chain-link fence, have a professional check the quality of his work.

Be cautious with your Mercedes-Benz... It just may put itself into reverse, take a mad dash across your lawn, crash through your shoddily-built chain-link fence, and then dive trunk first into your still filled swimming pool - In the middle of winter no less - leaving unnoticeable tracks across your front lawn, incredibly subtle clues as to your whereabouts that your "distraught" NYPD deputy inspector spouse will fail to notice.

But what the hell... nobody ever said life was fair.


craftycorner said...

Blink blink blink...

This is incredible. If he had life insurance on this poor woman I will have to throw up on my keyboard.

Ted Amadeus said...

Kind of reminiscent of the Alabama sheriff who "investigated" the disappearance of a man suspected of screwing around with his wife, and upon "discovering" him bound and gagged, strung up by a tree in his back yard all full of knife wounds and bullet holes, said for the record it was "the worst suicide Ah eva sawah."