Be A Kaishkunin

IOWA CITY, Iowa (AP) - Iowa Sen. Charles Grassley suggested that AIG executives should take a Japanese approach toward accepting responsibility for the collapse of the insurance giant by resigning or killing themselves.

Good idea... it will save us the trouble when the revolution starts.

SEPPUKU, or Hari-Kari:

Seppuku (only gaijin refer to it as "hari-kari") is a highly ritualized performance, as complicated as chado (tea ceremony). The principle difference is that at the end of chado, one is merely nauseated from too much green tea, whilst at the end of seppuku, one is dead.

The first thing to do is to recruit an assistant, a Kaishkunin. Contrary to what is thought, almost all forms of seppuku do not technically involve suicide, but merely inflicting fatal injury upon oneself. A kaishakunin does the actual killing. One should ask a great iaijutsuka, (practitioner of the technique of killing with a single sword stroke) or a close personal friend to be one’s kaishakunin. If asked out of friendship, one may refuse on the grounds that one’s waza (sword technique) is inadequate; if the request is repeated, however, one should consent gracefully, as flaws in technique will be forgiven (by the living).

I'll promise to practice and get my waza in good shape.

But first, pry the secret Swiss bank account number they have out of them. Might as well get our money back in the process.