Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Obligatory Post On Zimmerman/Martin

The Real Story of St. Trayvon's Martyrdom

Eighth Grader Honor Student and born-genius Trayvon Martin is walking home in his graduation cap and gown, after spending the day tutoring disadvantaged red, yellow, black and white children, because they are precious in his sight.

Short, fat, stupid, ugly, blond-haired, blue-eyed Aryan Nation member and Neo-Nazi George Zimmerman is driving around in his Confederate Flag draped pickup while sporting a monocle and a paste-on dueling scar.

Zimmerman spots Trayvon through the night by the near-blinding glow of his halo.

Cackling evilly, the white supremacist Klansman takes chase.

The football star nearly outruns him, but he is trapped by a "Do Not Enter" sign.

Faced with certain death or disobeying the law, Trayvon makes his stand.

Trayvon attempts to reason with his attacker using by the degrees in Philosophy and Theology he earned at five years old, but the illiterate racist will have none of it.

Zimmerman takes a swing of "Lean" (made from Skittles, Arizona sweet tea and Robitussion) and snarls, "Any last words, nigra?"

Trayvon looks his executioner in the eye and replies, "Truth, Justice and the American Way."

"WHITE POWER FOREVER!" shrieks Zimmerman as he unloads with his fully-automatic assault rifle.

If not for the Republican party Trayvon might have survived, but the skinhead's extended magazine, unfettered by their legislation, unloads hundreds of .50 caliber rounds into the future Nobel Peace Prize winner.

Zimmerman then bashes his own head into the curb repeatedly, while screaming in his girlish voice, "Help me!"

When he is finished, Hitler himself steps back into his gas-guzzling vehicle and peels away, seeking kittens and puppies to run over.

As Trayvon lay dying, the last thing he sees is the "Bush Cheney 2004" bumper sticker disappear into the night.

A nanosecond later, he grew his angel's wings and fluttered to heaven, to sit forever at the right hand of God.

With thanks to Ex-Army and Unca Bob


Galt-in-Da-Box said...

you deserve a Pulitzer for that, Bob!

texlahoma said...

You crazy old dude!

I needed a good laugh.

Good post!